Polygamy

How Do You Practise Fairness Between Two Wives in Overnight Stays, Financial Support and Travel? I Want Real Daily Experience, Not a Religious Ruling

Praise be to God, and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of God. I am a merchant who has been married for twenty years. Several months ago, I told my wife that I intended to marry a second wife. She has moved between guarded acceptance and a hurt I can see in her eyes even though she does not express it. I am determined not to proceed until I understand how to be fair before the marriage contract, not afterwards. The warning that a man who has two wives and favours one will come on the Day of Resurrection with one side leaning genuinely keeps me awake. My questions are specific. If overnight stays alternate one night at a time, what happens if one wife is ill or travels to visit her family? Is her night forfeited or made up later? With financial support, if the first wife's home is larger because my children live there, am I wrong for spending different amounts? When I travel for business or Umrah, should I draw lots between them every time or alternate trips? I especially want to hear from men who have lived this: in what way did you unintentionally wrong your first wife, only realising it too late? I want the words of someone who has experienced it, not merely read about it.

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راشد

Accepted answer

My son, I lived in a polygamous marriage for years when I was young, before God decreed divorce for us, so listen to an old man who has experienced it. A missed night should be made up, not lost; that is what our sheikh advised me long ago, and I felt at ease with it. Financial support is not measured to the last metre or riyal, my son; it is about meeting each household's needs. Give each home what is sufficient and do not approach it like a merchant balancing accounts. What I unintentionally denied my first wife was joy. A new second wife enters your life and you are excited, while you forget that the first wife is watching and comparing. A woman does not forget that. As people say, anyone who neglects where he began will have no sound ending. Do not destroy your first home while building the second.

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Anonymous community member

I will tell you something as a first wife whose husband has recently been hinting at marrying again. The fairness you are asking about is all measurable to you: a night, a riyal and a metre. What cannot be measured is that, from today, your wife goes to sleep feeling she was not enough. The pain you saw in her eyes deserved your attention before the schedule of overnight stays did. Ask her what would help her feel secure, and put it in writing for her before the marriage contract. That is the kind of fairness on which no one can issue a simple ruling for you.

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Fairness Between Two Wives: Real Daily Experiences | Saudi Naseeb